Female Definitions

1.) FINE

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right, and you need to shut up.

2.) FIVE MINUTES

If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) NOTHING

This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine." (Refer to #1 for a reminder.)

.4.) GO AHEAD

This is a dare, not permission. DON'T DO IT!

5.) LOUD SIGH

This is not actually a word but a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about "nothing." (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) THAT'S OKAY.

This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

7.) THANKS.

A woman is thanking you - do not question or faint. The response "You're welcome" is appropriate and expected.

8.) WHATEVER.

Is a women's way of saying "I'm right, and I don't have time for you to be wrong any longer."

9.) DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT; I GOT IT.

Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. ( This will later result in a man asking "what's wrong" - for the woman's response refer to #3.)

Thanks to Ashlee Garner for passing along this funny (and mostly true) list.