Female Definitions

1.) FINE

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right, and you need to shut up.

2.) FIVE MINUTES

If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) NOTHING

This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine." (Refer to #1 for a reminder.)

.4.) GO AHEAD

This is a dare, not permission. DON'T DO IT!

5.) LOUD SIGH

This is not actually a word but a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about "nothing." (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) THAT'S OKAY.

This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

7.) THANKS.

A woman is thanking you - do not question or faint. The response "You're welcome" is appropriate and expected.

8.) WHATEVER.

Is a women's way of saying "I'm right, and I don't have time for you to be wrong any longer."

9.) DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT; I GOT IT.

Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. ( This will later result in a man asking "what's wrong" - for the woman's response refer to #3.)

Thanks to Ashlee Garner for passing along this funny (and mostly true) list.

"But Jesus always hung out with sinners!"

If you've ever called anyone out on the fact that they are hanging around people they shouldn't be hanging out with, those who are "super spiritual" will shoot back with the argument that Jesus always hung out with sinners. In fact, Jesus was known to hang out with the tax collectors, who were considered to be some of the most dishonest and deceptive people of his day. He did - you can see it in Matthew 9:11;11:19, Luke 5:30; 7:24, and 15:12, and Mark 2:16. So they take the "Jesus did it, so I can too" approach. But let's take a minute to look at Christ's motive for investing His time in sinful people.

The Pharisees asked Jesus why he ate with godless sinners. Jesus responded in Luke 5:31-32, "It is not those who are well who need a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but to call sinners to repentance." Basically, he said, "Duh! Because I want to gospel with them so they will ask for forgiveness of their sins and be saved!" Now, keep in mind that Jesus hated sin and worldly lifestyles, but he put up with man's sinfulness in hopes that they would turn from their evil ways. So ask yourself what your motivation is for hanging out with sinful people. Do you enjoy their worldly lifestyle and their company? Or is your sole purpose in being their friend to bring them to knowledge of salvation through Jesus?

Ready for the protest you'll get next? "Well, what do you expect me to do - hide in a corner and never talk to anyone who is not a Christian?!" Lucky for us, Paul answered this very question in I Corinthians 5:9-13: "I wrote you in my letter not to associate with immoral people; I did not at all mean with the immoral people of this world, or with the covetous and swindlers, or with idolaters, for then you would have to go out of the world. But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so–called brother if he is an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler — not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Do you not judge those who are within the church?"

Many will interpret this passage to mean that we can have close relationships with ungodly people...but that's not what Paul is saying at all! He's being realistic. We live in the world, and we can't take ourselves out if it...but we are to take those who are worldly out of the church. So yes...you will have contact with unbelievers. You will talk to them, you will work with them, you will go to school with them...but we are called to be set apart.

In II Corinthians 6:14-17, Paul writes again, "Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? Or what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; just as God said, “I will dwell in them and walk among them; And I will be their God, and they shall be My people. Therefore, come out from their midst and be separate,” says the Lord. “And do not touch what is unclean; And I will welcome you.”

So the bottom line is that we are going to come in contact with unbelievers, but we have to decide how we are going to handle that problem before we are put in a bad situation. Read I Corinthians 15:33-34. Paul gives us three instructions in how to react when associating with an unbeliever. He tells us:

1) Do not be deceived. Do not let anything lure you away from the truth that can only be found in God's Word.

2) Become sober-minded. Don't lie to yourself that there is no danger in spending great amounts of time with unbelievers. Force yourself to think clearly.

3) Stop sinning. Sounds easy enough, right? WRONG! But it definately gives us something to work towards.

So ask yourself a few questions. Do you keep bad company? Do you have close relationships with people who do not acknowledge your God? Read the Word of God, and do what it says. Do not be deceived, become sober-minded, and stop sinning.

Jesus Tells You Who to be Friends With

I Corinthians 15:33 - "Do not be deceived: "Bad company corrupts good morals."

Okay, before we dig into what this verse clearly says, let's look at what Paul is talking about through the entire chapter. He's talking about Christ's resurrection - the importance of it, what happens if you don't believe in it, how it happened, what our ressurected bodies will look like in heaven, and how it relates to when Jesus comes back one day. So why in the world in the middle of all that does he warn us that our good morals will be corrupted by bad company?

Well, the reason why Paul had to write all of that stuff was because the Christians during that day were being influenced by the thoughts of the Greek. The Greeks believed that there was no ressurection. So if there is no ressurection, then there's no judgement after death, no accounting before God, and no payment of our sins...leaving those who have ever sinned as condemned to hell rather than saved by Jesus for admittance to heaven. Those are some pretty serious consequences. Paul was warning those who were listening to the Greeks and confusing Christ's message in their mind of the dangers of listening to the wrong people.

Have your parents ever warned you about one of your friends? Maybe they've told you to be cautious around her. Maybe they wouldn't let you go over to her house. They might have even told you not to hang out with her. Did you ever respond to their objections of your friendship with the retort, "You CAN'T tell me who to be friends with!" Well...technically, they're your parents, and they can. But even if they couldn't, Jesus can. And He did. Just look at I Corinthians 15:33 above.


My teenage years in middle school were really the first years that I made my own social circle that didn't revolve around my parents. Growing up, my parents were ALWAYS around. My dad was a minister at my church until I graduated college, and my mom was a teacher at my school until the sixth grade. It was that first year of middle school that my primary social circle didn't somehow include someone in my family. I've heard it said that relatives are the family you're born with, and your friends are the family you get to choose. This is exactly true. Because whether you realize it or not, your friends influence and shape who you are just by being around them.

Now, before we get too far ahead, let me make sure you understand what a friend is and who I am really talking about. Your friends are more than just acquaintances. For example, an aquaintance might be someone that you talk to in math class everyday, but a friend is someone you talk to on the phone everyday. An aquaintance would be someone that you would invite to a party at your house, but a friend is someone who is there to help you set up for the party and help with the dishes after the party is over. Make sense?

We're girls. We love our friends. We love to spend a lot of time with our friends. So what happens when you become best friends with someone and you become inseperable? You begin to talk alike, act alike, people call you by one another's names, etc. A few times in my life, I've even been told that my best friend and I were starting to look alike!

But what happens if I hang around someone who makes bad decisions or someone who doesn't hold the same morals and values as me? Think I will change? Absolutely. Don't let yourself be fooled with the idea, "Oh, I won't get into that. It won't happen to me." Your friends reflect who you are and help determine the person you become. Choose friends who share your family values and the way you think. To illustrate my point, get a friend or a family member to help you. Stand in a chair while whoever you're with stands on the floor. Grab their hand and try to pull them up on the chair with you. WHEN you give up (because you will), switch roles. Ask them to pull you down to stand on the floor with them. How quickly did they do it? Your friends are the same way. It's much, much harder to pull your friends into a higher moral standard than it is for them to bring you down to their low level of integrity.

Now, I am not saying that you should choose to be friends with someone who is EXACTLY like you. You can have friends with different personality traits from you, but make sure the qualities they have will lead you to positive growth. Choose friends that will have a good influence on you. If you wish you were more focused, choose a friend who is determined. If you want to learn to control your temper, choose a friend who is slow to anger. These are the kinds of friends that will show you new ways to approach life and how to overcome problems when they come your way. There's nothing wrong with good habits rubbing off on you!

"But Jesus hung out with sinners and tax collectors!" Yes, he did...to share the gospel with them and to share the gospel with them only. We'll look more at that tomorrow...

A Bleeding Woman of Faith

I don't know about you, but I can be a doubter at times. I mean, if you come to me and tell me that you found a pair of Nine West shoes on the sale rack for $4.99, chances are, I'm going to insist that you're lying until I see the receipt. If someone were to tell me they were going to take me on a cruise for two weeks, I would probably be relunctant to get excited until I was actually on the boat. What can I say? I don't like to be set up for disappointment. But there was a lady unlike me who had amazing faith...so amazing that her story is actually included in the Bible in three different places. So pick your Gospel and check out either Matthew 9:20-22, Mark 5:25-34, or Luke 8:43-48.

Okay, now that you've read it from the source, I'll tell you my version. This poor woman has been bleeding for 12 years. Umm, that's over half of my life - LONG time! Can you imagine the pain and how weak this woman must have felt? If you've ever bled for longer than a few minutes, you know that it's absolutely draining. She had to have been exhausted all the time. But here was the worst part. In that day, if you were bleeding, you were considered unclean. So, no one could even touch her...and she wasn't allowed to touch anyone - it was LAW. So that's 12 years of bleeding with no hugs, no pats on the back, no strokes of her hair. Human touch is comforting...I mean, what girl doesn't like to be held when she's hurting? There are just some things we never outgrow...

So anyway, here's this woman and Jesus is walking by her. Now, Jesus was in a hurry because Jairus needed Him to come to his house because his daughter was dying. He was also surrounded by a huge crowd. She didn't have time to spill her sob story to Him in hopes that He would heal her, as He had been performing many miracles. The only time that she had with Jesus was to just touch Him as He walked by...and maybe, just MAYBE she would be healed. But remember...she wasn't allowed to touch anyone.

As Jesus walked by, this woman was overwhelmed by faith, reached out her hand, and touched His robe as He walked by. The Bible says, "Immediately, her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering." (Mark 5:29). WOW! IMMEDIATELY, her bleeding stopped and she stopped hurting. Just from touching Jesus' clothing. What joy! What FREEDOM! But wait a second...Jesus stopped and turned around. Oh no. Did He know she had touched Him? Was she about to be jailed for breaking the law?

Jesus asked, "Who touched my clothes?" Okay...I'm not sure about you, but if I was walking in the middle of a huge crowd and I felt something brush against my shirt, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't freak out. But Jesus knew that there was something different about this touch. A little frightened, the woman came forward. She knew if Jesus knew someone had touched His clothes that He also would know she was the one who touched Him.

And she did what any normal girl would do in a situation where she thought she would be in trouble. She cried...she fell at the feet of our Lord and poured out her story between her tears. When she finished, she looked up, and I believe that she looked into the pair of the kindest eyes that you could ever imagine. He wasn't angry. Not at all. Jesus was moved by her faith.

Now, I don't have a Scripture account for this. I mean, stories like this make it obvious that men wrote the Bible. There's not much detail and definately not a lot of touchy-feely stuff. But this is a touchy-feely story!!! And all Matthew, Mark, and Luke can give me is that Jesus said, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace, and be freed from your suffering." Now, don't get me wrong. Those are powerful words, and I believe that Jesus said them!! But I also want to know that Jesus placed his hand on her face and helped her stand up. I want to know that He hugged her and THEN he told her that her faith had healed her! When I get to heaven, Matthew, Mark, Luke and I are going to talk about writing DESCRIPTIVE accounts. (Just kidding....not really...but who knows? I probably won't care by then because I can just ask her myself!)

Again, our fact-favoring writing boys of the Bible simply move on in Scripture to the next miracle. But let's stay for a moment with that woman and imagine what it would have been like. Just minutes before, she was sick, bleeding, unclean, and suffering. After ONE TOUCH from Jesus and because of her faith in Him, she was healed. She was clean. And she was no longer in pain. I imagine that as Jesus walked on that this woman fell back to her knees. (because remember, Jesus helped her stand up...just my opinion, so take it for what you will!) :) I believe that she felt totally wrapped in God's presence and unbelievably grateful. Her faith had been rewarded.

So what exacty can we learn from this amazing woman of faith? Do you need an appointment to come to Jesus? No. Is Jesus EVER too busy for us? Absolutely not. Is there a problem that we have that He doesn't care about? No way. He is always there for us when we need Him. All you have to do is have faith and reach out to Him.

I'm going to challenge you to touch Jesus today and let Him heal you...whatever that may mean for you.

Are You For Real?

You’ve heard about people who pass off counterfeit money as real. Have you ever thought of counterfeit people? Maybe you hide who you really are to gain approval. Take this quiz to find out if you’re genuine.

1. Your friends decide to buy matching shirts at a brand- name store. You really don’t want to spend your money on an expensive shirt. You:

a. buy one anyway so you’ll fit in.

b. suggest making shirts with supplies at a craft store.

c. tell them you’ll think about it.

2. Your science teacher assigns a paper on why it’s a woman’s right to have an abortion. You:

a. write the paper but are careful to say, “Research says . . . ” so it’s not really your opinion.

b. ask for a different topic with which you agree.

c. write the paper giving the pro-life view of abortion.

3. The prom committee suggests a party on the beach after the prom. You know your dad will never let you go because he wants you to avoid situations that could lead to compromising situations. You:

a. suggest a series of old school favorites like roller skating, bowling and mini-golf.

b. say, “I can’t wait!”

c. let others talk.

4. You and your friends go to the mall. They want to shop for clothes, but you’d rather visit the bookstore. You:

a. shop for clothes hoping for a chance to suggest the bookstore later.

b. act like there’s nothing you’d rather do than paw through racks of skirts and tops.

c. ask them if they mind you going to the bookstore first and check back with them in 30 minutes to see what they’ve picked out.

5. A bunch of girls are gathering to watch the latest Friday night TV teen- drama. You’re tired of rich kids getting into trouble. You:

a. tell them you’ll pass. You’d rather spend that time doing something more worthwhile.

b. become an instant fan.

c. take a book along.

6. Your girlfriends are arguing over which candidate to vote for when it comes to the new student body president. Personally, you think the guy who isn’t as popular, but has a smart plan of action, is the best choice. You:

a. say you don’t know.

b. tell them your opinion.

c. go with the majority.

7. It is time to pick out dresses for the homecoming banquet. The first one you try on isn’t flattering on you, but your friends really like it. You"

a. tell them you’re going to look for one that will fit you better.

b. tell them you’ll think about it.

c. buy it. They have better taste than you anyway.

8. A guy friend asks you to the sports banquet. You think it’d be great to go with a friend like him so you don’t have to worry about impressing a guy you don’t know well. Your friends tell you to wait for a real date to ask you. You:

a. suggest everyone go as a group.

b. decide not to go to the banquet.

c. go with your guy friend.

9. Your boyfriend, who is a Christian, says he wonders if it’d be so bad to have premarital sex because of the commitment you have to each other. You:

a. tell him you aren’t ready.

b. change the subject.

c. tell him that premarital sex is compromising God’s best for you. There’s a reason why God desires sex to be saved for marriage, and you don’t want to mess with that plan.

Gathering the Evidence

Tally your score by using the point system for each question.

1. a = 0; b = 2; c = 1

2. a = 0; b = 1; c = 2

3. a = 2; b = 0; c = 1

4. a = 1; b = 0; c = 2

5. a = 2; b = 0; c = 1

6. a = 1; b = 2; c = 0

7. a = 2; b = 1; c = 0

8. a = 1; b = 0; c = 2

9. a = 1; b = 0; c = 2

Find the Fraud

Once your score is tallied, check to see where you fall in the lineup.

Missing In Action (0 to 5 points) You aren’t being true to yourself, and you’re letting others think you’re somebody you’re not. God created you in a unique and wonderful way (Psalm 139:14). This doesn’t mean you need to become outgoing or outspoken. Celebrate being you by being the real thing and answering truthfully when your opinion is asked or standing up for what you believe. God will help you find that balance between being silent and speaking up.

Artificial Flavoring Added (6 to 12 points) You occasionally stand up for yourself, but often you change a few things to fit in with the crowd. You try not to draw attention to yourself by expressing a different opinion than the group. It is good to be able to compromise and know you won’t always get your way, as long as you’re continuing to honor God with your choices. Don’t hesitate to let the true you show in both words and actions in those situations God calls you to take a stand and even express your preferences.

The Real Thing (13 to 18 points) What you see is what you get. You strive to find the balance between being the best you can be and accepting yourself the way you are. Remember there is a difference between always demanding your way and being true. When you speak out make sure you do it with gentleness, tact and love. You know that God will use your unique personality to do His will. The real you is the one God can best use.

This quiz was published by Brio Magazine by Focus on the Family - check them out at http://www.family.org .

A Princess Who Prays

Throughout Scripture, women who devoted intense time to prayer have made radical contributions to the Christian faith. First, consider the model set by Hannah. (You remember - Samuel's mom!) Like most women, Hannah wanted a child badly..infact, she was so upset the Bible says that she couldn't eat and she cried a lot. However, after she prayed to the Lord about this desire, she “went her way and ate, and her face was no longer sad” (1 Sam 1:18). Notice that Hannah prayed as a first response to her problem....not a last resort. I know there are so many times that I try to solve a situation by myself. When I can't do it, THEN I turn to God. But that's totally backwards of the way it should be. I should go to God first and then respond how He tells me too. Hannah had it in the right order. Not only that, but she prayed in such a way that when she finished, she had peace because she knew she had given her burden to God. She trusted Him to provide. Hang on - it gets even better. When God did give her a child, Hannah acknowledged that Samuel was a result of her prayers, and she dedicated her child to the Lord (1 Sam 1:27-28). Instead of taking credit for her blessing, she gave credit where credit was due. Do you take time to acknowledge the good things that God does for you, or do you take all the glory for yourself? Well, Hannah's faith, prayers, and obedience paid off. Samuel grew into a godly man, and the success he accumulated for the kingdom of God can all link back to the intense prayers of his mother.

After Jesus ascended into heaven, many of those who followed Jesus gathered together in an upper room in Jerusalem. Acts 1:14 says the apostles and “these all gathered with one mind were continually devoting themselves to prayer, along with the women, and Mary, the mother of Jesus, and with his brothers.” During this intimate time with God, the women of Jesus’ earthly ministry gathered with His twelve apostles and family to pray for the continuation of His ministry. Considering that fact that the church is continuing over 2,000 years later, one can determine these women’s prayers were heard and honored. In Paul’s first letter to Corinth, he also gives specific instructions on how women are to pray in the church (1 Cor 11:5,13). We can see that prayer was a key element to women’s involvement in God’s Word.

Women continue to have drastic influence with prayer. In 1877, Mrs. Darwin James became burdened for the spiritual regression in America and initiated a prayer movement across Protestant denominational leaders. Many church leaders in the United States joined her in her prayers that “justice and decency might rule our national behavior.” In the early 1900’s, Helen Barrett Montgomery and Lucy Waterbury Peabody took the prayer movement even further. On an international trip with their daughters, these women were humbled by the intense prayers of women around the globe. They started what is now celebrated as the World Day of Prayer. The offerings given on this day were used to take Christian literature to women in less fortunate countries. Their vision and efforts continued to grow. By 1961, the offerings taken on the World Day of Prayer helped to establish 11 women’s Christian colleges around the world.

Prayer ministries are a great dynamic within the local church. Women can be involved in continuous prayer for the church staff and lay leaders, the active ministries of the church, and the lost people in the community. History shows that prayer makes a dramatic difference, as prayer often results in God moving mightily. Many people ask today, "Does God still move in mighty ways, like by parting the Red Sea?" The real question we should ask is, "Do we still seek God as much as believers like Moses did?"

A psychologist Timothy Leary has said, “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” Never forget that throughout Scripture, it's obvious that God views men and women as equals in value and importance. But like this quote, women who seek to be identical with men in terms of roles and responsibilities not only lack ambition, but obedience. If women do not fill the roles God has especially gifted them for, who will? These jobs will be left undone in the church. So.... let's quit complaining and passionately begin doing the job that God has given us to do.

Serving Others

Don't be fooled - being a Christian chick does NOT make you a weak women. Scripture’s description of a worthy woman demonstrates that she courageously takes on the demanding task of servanthood. Proverbs 31:20 describes, “She extends her hands to the poor, and she stretches out her hands to the needy.” She doesn’t just offer care at her convenience. The words extends and stretches show that she will go beyond her own means to express sensitivity and invest in others as she “works with her hands in delight” (Proverbs 31:13). As stated in 2 Corinthians 9:7, “Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” So yes, that means you should serve others GLADLY (preferably with a smile on your face and joy in your heart!)

The calling and obedient response of women to serve is shown throughout God’s words, beginning with the very first book of the Bible. When Isaac came to Rebekah’s house, she “quickly lowered her jar to her hand and gave him a drink.” Then, she proceeded to draw enough water from the well for his camels to have a drink as well (Gen 24:18-19). Do you know how much camels can drink? Seriously, Rebekah had to have arms of steel!

Mary and Martha opened their home frequently to Jesus and the disciples so He would have “a quiet place to sleep, nourishing meals, and comforting friends with whom to relax.” Okay, I'm not gonna lie. I'm a bit of a neat freak, especially when it comes to my apartment. If someone is coming over, it's going to be spotless...no matter who it is!! I can't imagine the pressure of having Jesus and the disciples come hang out at my house - I would be a nervous wreck and cleaning for DAYS! But these women were always prepared to open their homes and their heart to those in need.

There were many other women in the New Testament as well. Lydia bravely opened her home to Paul and Silas, even after they had been released from prison on more than one occasion (Acts 16:15,40). Paul described Phoebe as a “servant of the church” and “helper of many,” and acknowledged Persis “who has worked hard in the Lord (Rom 16:1-2,12). He also recognized Nympha for opening her home to hold a church (Col 4:15).

A present-day example is Mother Teresa of Calcutta After observing her at a banquet, Dee Jepsen wrote that she had never witnessed a woman with such power. Unlike many women that some may view as having small amounts of influence, Mother Teresa “never shook her fist in anger for her rights, and never asked for anything for herself. Instead, she reached down into the gutter and raised up those the world calls unlovable…because the poor were created by the God she loves and serves.”

Local churches are full of needs that only lack someone who is willing to serve. Many of the less glamorous positions in a church are often looked over, but that does not make these tasks less valuable. Many people would not come to hear an evangelist if they knew they were going to have to stand and be uncomfortable the entire meeting. Therefore, the servant who unstacks and places the chairs in rows is of equal importance to the evangelist. Matthew 20:16 teaches, “The last shall be first, and the first, last.” Women should fill various service holes in the church not only to meet the needs of the church, but to teach servanthood through personal example. Don't hesitate to ask your pastor or your youth minister where he can use you. Maybe you'll be teaching children's Sunday school...or maybe you'll be picking up trash in the parking lot or changing dirty diapers.

So serve the Lord with gladness, and ask yourself one question. Have you ever served someone else and felt worst afterwards or wish you hadn't helped them? That's what I thought.