Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Do You Trust Me? Part 1

This is a true story of my life - an account of how God used my mom being diagnosed with cancer to positively impact my whole family. He gives and takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!

I folded my arms across my chest as we pulled out of Katie’s driveway. How could a house that used to be so full of love feel so empty? What kind of a friend was I that my best friend was hurting, and I had no words to comfort her?
My mom patted my leg with her hand before she put both hands on the steering wheel. “She’s going to be okay, Michelle.”
I nodded, fighting back tears. I knew that if I tried to speak, I was going to cry again. There had been enough crying lately.
About a year ago, Katie’s mom had been diagnosed with melanoma, a type of cancer with a low-survival rate. This was her second battle with the disease, but the outcome was different this time. She didn’t win this round.
Over the past three years, Katie had become a part of my family, and likewise, I became a part of hers. Weekends were spent at one of our two houses, and we even argued with one another’s siblings.
The past year had been tough. We spent a lot more time at my house than we spent with her family. Her mom spent a lot of time either in bed or in the hospital, and we never wanted to disturb her. Katie didn’t talk about it much. She tried to pretend like it wasn’t really happening. I wanted to be there for her, but I didn’t want to upset her either. I knew we would have to talk about it eventually. As ready as I thought I was, I was completely unprepared in the moment.
She’s only twelve, God. How is she supposed to make it through high school without a mom? Now she only has a dad and a big brother. Who will help her decide what outfit to wear on her first date? Who’s going to understand why it’s necessary to have a closet simply devoted to shoes?
That morning, Katie’s dad, Bob, called my mom, to let our family know that Katie’s mom had died in the middle of the night. I cried for hours after my parents sat me down to tell me the news. I wanted to call her, but I didn’t know what to say.
As I cried, my mom worked in the kitchen, preparing dinner for Katie’s family. When it was ready, she tapped on my door to see if I wanted to go with her to drop off the meal. I didn’t really want to, but I nodded in agreement anyway.
I didn’t say much in the car. Was it fair that I was coming to her house with my mom? Katie didn’t have one. I couldn’t imagine being in her position. Seriously, what would I do without my mom? I mean, my dad is great, but he wouldn’t be the same man without my mom either. Everything would change.
I could feel something was different as we rounded the familiar corner of Katie's neighborhood. The sight of a home I had been inside so many times was now giving me a knot in my stomach that I had never felt before. I didn’t want to face my best friend.
My mom rang the doorbell, and I took a deep breath. “Be strong for Katie, Michelle,” were my mom’s final instructions before Bob opened the door.
He looked tired and heartbroken, yet somewhat relieved and grateful at the same time. “Thank you so much, Mary Ruth,” he said. “Come on in.”
My mom walked through the door and motioned for me to follow. I took a deep breath and walked into the house. Bob called to Katie to let her know we were there, and I saw her appear from the hallway of her bedroom.
As always, Katie tried to act normal. We prided ourselves in not being like other girls. We knew about sports. We’d rather be outside. We weren’t overly emotional. And we certainly didn’t cry. I could tell that she hadn’t slept much, and I knew she had to be upset, but she made it obvious that she didn’t want to show it.
I wanted to cry. I wanted to throw my arms around Katie and tell her that it was okay to shed a few tears…or a lot. She had an excuse not to be tough.
“My mom made macaroni and cheese,” is what I said, forcing a smile out of her.
“Your favorite,” Katie said, forcing fake enthusiasm. We both knew that I hated every form of cheese with a passion – the sight, the smell, the texture, everything.
“Yeah,” I agreed, being sarcastic right back.
At that moment, we both looked at each other, and I couldn’t help it. I stopped pretending, and I hugged her. “I’m so sorry, Kate,” I said.
She didn’t say anything. She just stood there and hugged me, and I eventually felt her tears fall down my back. While Katie and I silently hugged and cried, my mom talked to Bob, telling him that Katie was welcome at our house anytime, and that we were available at all times if they needed anything.
We didn’t stay long. My mom knew they were exhausted and that Bob had a ton of preparations to make for the funeral. I cried again as I watched my mom tearfully hug Katie. “You know how much she loved you,” my mom finally managed to say. “And you know that I love you too.” Katie nodded and thanked her, and that was it. We walked out of what now seemed more like a house than a home.
As I walked down the stairs of their front porch, I heard a familiar voice inside my head. Michelle, do you trust Me?
Of course I trust you, God. You know that.
I know. But do you really trust Me?
The second time I heard the question, I didn’t answer. What does He mean, do I trust Him?
I snapped back to reality and watched my mom wipe tears from underneath her eyes as we drove back to our house. As I looked at her, I knew that God was going to change something. And it had to do with my mom.

1 comment:

Simi said...

Hi Michelle, my name is Simi Kutty; an Indian living in Kuwait; an ex-Hindu but now Born-again.ur blogs have inspired me a lot.Could u mail me ur email id to simi.work@gmail.com?there are certain spiritual questions I wanna ask and I am looking for someone to reply...

Esther 4:14b

"And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"